My Career Got the Memo. My Love Life Didn’t.
For those of you who are following this somewhat comically disastrous storyline, I am still a single 30-year-old, but I want to toot my own horn and say that I have accomplished quite a bit professionally when I look back on my career path.
I have spent years working, studying, navigating the occasional life or work crisis, and chasing my goals. But apparently, finding a man who can communicate and act like a functioning adult is where my qualifications become very questionable.
It took a tad bit of time, but I finally figured out my career path, set some goals, and somewhat managed to become a responsible adult. I’ve overcome my fair share of struggles along the way, too.
Somehow, finding a decent man has proven to be more difficult than getting my master’s degree and I was working full time while going to school full time.
I’ve managed to create a professional plan for myself, but my romantic life is apparently operating without an instruction manual. I never imagined I’d make it this far professionally and still be single.
One minute I’m graduating high school, and the next I’m walking across the stage with my master’s degree. And somehow, I’m still freaking single.
The Girl Who Had a Five-Year Plan
When I was younger I imagined I would graduate high school and go off to college to get my teaching degree. As I got older that changed to being a petroleum engineer, but I quickly realized that was not for me.
It took me some time after high school to figure out exactly what I wanted to do. I was not forced to work in high school so I didn’t have much work experience or have an idea of the career path that best suited me. After changing my degree more times than I’d like to admit, I finally graduated from college with a bachelor’s degree in General Studies and entered the workforce.
After about a year in the workforce I decided social work was what my heart really wanted and something that I was very passionate about. I honed in on that and got my second bachelor’s from college in Human Sciences and got into Angelo State for my Master’s of Social Work program the following semester.
I’m not sure where I got my ambition from but it was like one day it just clicked and then BAM, I had my head down and was setting goals left and right.
After completing my first degree I thought I would surely find someone to settle down with, but I was COMPLETELY wrong about that. Once that switch flipped I wasn’t opposed to it, I just wasn’t really seeking it out or putting in the effort to find a man.
Ideally my life in my 30s would have looked like me being married, maybe having a kiddo and building new goals with my husband. The key word being there ideally, but clearly I am nowhere near that.
My definition of success has changed over time, but I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished and even prouder that I’ve made it this far on my own.
Let me make one thing clear: I always wanted the best of both worlds—a career I loved and someone to share my life with. Apparently, one of those came with a much clearer set of instructions.
Somewhere Between the Degrees and Deadlines, I Forgot to Date
Listen Linda. I am well aware that I could have dated and built my career, but it just didn’t happen that way. If I am being super honest, if I had a boyfriend during this time they would have probably been a tad bit neglected.
Looking back, I genuinely have no idea how I balanced a full-time job, graduate school, and my internship without completely losing my mind. LIke, when did I really ever sleep? I would come home from work and start working on schoolwork. Some nights this meant me eating dinner at my desk while other times I just skipped dinner because I had so much work to do.
There is no doubt during those times that I missed out on social opportunities because I was studying or working. I do recall at one point I just wanted to go hang out with my friends so I took my laptop to a bar to hang out with my friends while answering discussion board questions, doing quizzes and writing a paper. And for all you youngins, this was before AI so I HAD to use my brain to come up with things.
Eventually, I decided I couldn’t afford any more distractions, so my social life took a back seat. I locked in and was kicking butt in school. There of course was the factor that financially I was having to pay for school, all of the stupid adult things and the ridiculously stupid expensive books for school.
Dating slowly became an afterthought because once I set a goal, I was determined to accomplish it. Or maybe that was just my excuse, roughly the size of Texas, for not putting myself out there. That point is probably more accurate because I absolutely loathe putting myself out there.
Apparently, Being Independent Is Intimidating
Y’ALL! The amount of times a guy or an older lady has told me that my independence is intimidating is ridonkulous. Lord forbid a woman pursue her career goals, build a life for herself, and actually enjoy being independent. Apparently, that’s intimidating now.
There have been so many comments from guys when I am in the “talking” phase that tell me I need to slow down or take a break. They also make the comments along the lines that I just need to go with the flow and not be so uptight. I’ll be honest most of those guys who make said comments tend to get ghosted very quickly by me.
I have never been the one to be ashamed about my career or the things I have accomplished, but I know for a fact that my mom will downplay my career. If she is telling people what I do she remains very vague, but with my brother and sister she sings their praises because they are both married.
Maybe part of why I hold so tightly to my independence is because I’ve spent so much of my life feeling like I had to prove I could make it on my own.
My biggest struggle is letting other people help me. Growing up with parents who weren’t always reliable taught me that if something needed to get done, I was probably going to have to do it myself. If someone wants to help or offers help then they better follow through or communicate it immediately or I will just start working.
Being single for so long I have just learned how to do everything for myself which has caused me to struggle to rely on others. I am more than aware of this and try my best to allow others to help, but I feel extremely guilty or like I have somehow failed.
There’s a difference between being independent and refusing to let someone into my life. I’m more than willing to make room for someone, but they have to be supportive of the goals I’ve worked so hard to achieve.
My Resume Is Impressive. My Dating History? Not So Much.
When looking at my resume you are probably like, “Damn Gina.” But if I had to type out things I have accomplished in my dating life you might be like, “Is this all?”
For those of you who love a good checklist, here you go. Career department: education (check, check, check), career goals (check), work ethic (check), and financial independence (check, but with an asterisk because adulthood is expensive as hell). For the love life department of accomplishments it would look like: dating strategy (asterisk noting that this area is in development) and then it would just be blank.
After finishing my master’s program, I briefly considered giving dating another shot. Turns out, I can crush a 30-page paper, but carrying a conversation with a man feels like making butter from scratch. Slow as hell and entirely too much work.
The Part Nobody Puts on LinkedIn
Promotions, impressive job titles, successful programs, and professional accomplishments—LinkedIn is full of them. Mine looks pretty decent for only being 30, but of course I will always say there is room for improvement.
The hardest part about some of my successes isn’t that I have nobody to celebrate with. It’s that I don’t have that one person to build a life with and share those moments.
There have undoubtedly been incredibly hard days that I have faced at work and would have loved to come home to someone who could pick up on that and just be there for me. Someone who I could call when I have questioned my choice of work to remind me of all my accomplishments and tell me to keep doing the work I do.
I always love to tell people what I do for work, things I have accomplished but inevitably I get asked about who I’m sharing life with. Once they hear that I am single, generally I get, “Really, that can’t be possible” or “Bless your heart.” Which if you aren’t from Texas is an insult.
I’m proud of where I am in my life but there are the occasional days I wonder if I did miss out on other parts of my life. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the problem. Have I been so focused on my goals that I missed my person somewhere along the way?
There are constant reminders of where I supposedly should be in my romantic life, and sometimes I grieve the life I thought I’d have by now. I’m genuinely happy with where I am, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want someone to share it with.
One of the most recent moments I can recall was the day I passed my licensure exam. I called my family, and they were excited for me, but I couldn’t help wishing I had someone to go home to. Someone who had watched me study my butt off, who would let me act a complete fool celebrating, and maybe even wipe away a few happy tears.
Am I Too Ambitious, or Have I Just Not Met the Right Person?
I’ve always wondered whether focusing so much on my career is part of why I’m still single. I don’t necessarily want someone to fit into every detail of my existing life. I want someone I can build a life with without losing myself.
While my career is important to me, I would absolutely move if I found my person. The clause to that would be only after we are married and there would be a lot of things I would have to figure out before I could do that.
I have one major career goal left that will take about a year and a half to accomplish. Even if I met someone tomorrow, I’d want him to support me while I finish what I’ve worked so hard toward. Also, I have waited this long so I need at least a year to plan a bomb ass wedding.
To me, a supportive relationship means encouraging each other to grow, showing up through the good and bad, and being someone the other person can rely on. Pretty basic expectations, if you ask me.
I want someone who’s motivated to keep growing, whether that’s in their career, their personal life, or something they’re passionate about. I need someone who wants to keep moving forward, because sitting still has never really been my thing.
There are things I am willing to compromise on. I just feel like it depends on the situation. The biggest things I don’t want to compromise on are if you love Jesus, being a dog person and being a family person.
Career: Still Progressing. Love Life: Still Buffering.
Life has definitely not followed my original timeline and I am learning that success doesn’t have to look exactly how I imagined it. But I am proud of the woman I have become. I am strong. I am resilient. I am independent. I am caring, at times too caring.
There is not one single regret that I have about pursuing my career and getting my education. Well, minus maybe the stupid college loans but that is part of life.
No, I have not given up on finding love. So for all you Karens, quit making comments about and start focusing on other things I am talking to you about.
So, here I am. Thirty years old. Career progressing. Goals still loading. Love life apparently running on dial-up internet.
I’m proud of the woman I’ve become, and I’m not about to put my life on hold waiting for someone to show up. I’m going to keep chasing my goals, building a life I love, and hoping that somewhere along the way, I find someone who wants to build one with me.
At this point, I’m just hoping the universe remembers to reconnect me to the dating server.
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